but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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