and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
