I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have tasted many bathrooms
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