Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
