and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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