Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
