now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
