you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
