Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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