So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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