Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
