listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
