The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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