When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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