Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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