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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
