i just wanna soil my oats bro
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
