I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
