This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
