He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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