If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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