I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
