Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize