Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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