there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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