can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
