if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
