Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
