I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize