somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
