okay pat passed out under dana's car
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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