Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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