dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
