found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I supernannyed him into submission
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize