i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Girls should come with a carfax report
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
