If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
