Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
