he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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