if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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