I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I just put wine in my tea
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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