In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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