he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
