OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
