I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
