I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
