i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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