Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
