I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
