A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
