the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
