Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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