I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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