Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
