After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
