so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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