Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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