i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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