i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
