Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
