Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have aggressive nipples.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
