3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
