you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
