Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
