i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
