i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
