I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
