How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
