new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
