so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize